Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
