i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
