I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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