I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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