stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
