i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
