I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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