idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
