part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
