I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
