The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
