Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
