She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
