wakey wakey hands off snakey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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