She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
