can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
