'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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