and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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