Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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