Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
