Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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