hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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