Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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