You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
