Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
