JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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