If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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