No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
