Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
