I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
