sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
