can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My cat gives me a boner
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, beer. Big fan.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
