My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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