I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
