my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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