omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to get me chipped asap
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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