best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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