Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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