do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
