you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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