he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
