i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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