she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
