We won't sleep together?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
