I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
