i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
