woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
