She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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