i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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