I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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