were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
