these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
